by Stephen LaRose
Three minutes into Mitchell Lichtenstein’s Teeth, I knew I would be in for a good time. In case you aren’t aware of the premise, it’s about a girl, Dawn (played by Jess Weixler), who has “vagina dentate” or teeth in her pussy. I know, right? Jess lives a life of purity and abstinence, until one high school hunk decides to rape her in a cave, only to have his dick bitten off by her demon honey pot. This is when she discovers her “power”, so to speak.
The first half of this film seems to take itself a bit too seriously. I feel that Lichtenstein fails to deliver a gripping character piece about Jess; it seems like he wanted this character to follow a tremendous arc of self discovery. Which she does to an extent, but not to the extent which I believe Lichtenstein desired. The plot drags along until the half way point. The change of pace comes when Jess throws her purity ring into a lake. This is where the fun begins. Everything becomes much looser in tone. Lichtenstein gets his own joke, and turns Weixler into some kind of anti-male super hero.
Dawn follows a path similar to that of Bruce Banner and his Hulk powers. She discovers her power, and can’t help but chomp on wieners. Then, after learning about her problem, she is able to control it. By the film’s end, we see her desire to want to use her “power” for good. Although, given the odd and twisted circumstances, Lichtenstein gives us something we’ve never seen before, and will probably never see again. Now, don’t get me wrong, Teeth is a pretty awful film, but it has its moments.
The film hints at a subplot between Dawn’s step brother (John Hensley) and her step father (Lenny von Dohlen). This never plays out, and lacks the complexity it needs to mean anything. I guess they left this in to pump up the runtime, a whopping 93 minutes. Also, the score seems to be written more for a b-roll of footage of the Sahara desert; although, in the latter half of the movie, it adds to its cheese factor. All problems aside, with the right mindset, anyone can have a few laughs with Teeth.
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